A Night with Pussy - Saturday, February 20th

During the middle of the night something furry began to stroke my face. The immediate assumption was that a camel spider had snuck into my room and was about to have its way with me. The room was pitch black with a light switch in the far corner. I scrambled for it and followed with a volley of frantic blows to the ground using the heavy fleece bedding.

Once I’d exhausted myself I scanned to see it there was anything left of the eight legged assailant. The only thing in the room, aside from a messy bed, was a cat sitting in the corner. The same cat I had used to scare the Germans. My chickens had come home to roost.

Somehow the cat had forced the window open and had taken a fancy to me. I was too tired to get rid of it so I went to bed. Soon the cat was at it again. It seemed to be going through some kind of feline puberty. Moaning and rubbing against me furously while shuddering like a paint mixer. Like a cross between a purr and an orgasm.

Whenever it didn’t feel it was getting enough attention, it clawed me. Knowing I was too tired to get up, I was hostage to it. Eventually it was too much and at 2:30 am I threw it out the window and locked it.

Just as I was getting to sleep, it forced the window open again and began frotting against me in it’s usual, very unsettling habit.

At 3:00am I threw it out again. The window lock was inspected and seemed in good order. At 3:30am he had managed to break in again and it was thrown out of the bedroom door. I engineered a double lock using a tissue (I’m not going to explain how) to ensure it could not possibly break in again.

At 4:00 am it was confirmed that the lock had worked. The cat, knowing the gig was up, began relentlessly scratching the wooden window frame.  This was accompanied by a meow that sounded not unlike a baby crying. It was the one night stand most men had nightmares about, except with a cat.

I imagined friends asking me about my trip. ‘Did you get any while you were in Iran?’ 
'Yes. Yes, I got a lot of pussy. Too much in fact.’

At 5:30 am my alarm went and it was time to head to Yazd. I hope they don’t have cats there.